the social internet & me
the social internet & me
dare i say this is my roman empire?
Good evening from Iowa!
In just one week of being home with my parents, I can confidently say I’ve ruined my monthly average step count. (Rest…we love to see it!) It’s one of the few times a year I fully disconnect from my regular routine.
That’s not to say I’m totally off the grid when I’m home – though my relationship with my phone definitely turns into please do not disturb my peace while I eat and rot away on the couch mode in lieu of my typical periodically respond to messages and check socials mode. Before I return to the city and switch back into the latter, I figure there’s no better month than this one to sit down and muse about one of my favorite topics: our relationship to the internet. More specifically, the social internet.
What parts of our lives do we choose to share online, and why do we share what we share? How do people perceive us differently when we do – and why do we care? Where does one draw the line between being vulnerable and oversharing?
I would describe myself to be pretty ‘online’, though I also feel like I have a pretty vibrant life offline. Naturally, the balance of the two varies depending on the week or season of life. But that’s how I see it for myself: a balance, not a complete dichotomy.
I picture the internet as an entity, and our relationship to it as a bilateral flow of information: we consume what the internet offers us, and we contribute to what the internet offers others. I think about my own contributions as twofold: an honest exercise in documentation, and an opportunity for connection. And what does the internet offer me in return? An abundant source of inspiration.
an honest exercise in documentation
I suppose documenting your life only matters if you believe your life is worth documenting, so let’s start there. The majority of us are not celebrities or influencers, so we don’t have any financial incentive to share about our lives online. Why capture anything at all about our so-called normal lives?
I’m linking what Ava Williams wrote about this a few months ago (I’m Feeling Lucky) as it encapsulates a lot of what I feel about this (“We have to take note of our lives or no one else will”!!). Everything suddenly feels worth documenting the moment you start paying attention to and loving all the little things about your ordinary life. What you wore that day, what you did with your friends, what you ate for lunch, even the same sunset you saw yesterday that’s just a little bit different today. Who cares if this is the most mediocre photo I’ve ever taken if it helps me reminisce on a randomly lovely day in my personal history?
Documentation is an art, but it’s also an exercise. Once you’ve decided you care, you have to figure out how to build the habit. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard a friend say that they wish they remembered to take more pictures. I find myself struggling with the opposite! – there is so much I want to capture that my cloud storage is always full. (One day I’ll get around to organizing my personal digital abyss...)
How did I build up the habit of documenting? By being less precious about the medium itself. As a longtime photographer, I’ve gone through phases of carrying a Real Camera around with me, and I’m sure I’ll return to doing so in the future. But I soon found it cumbersome to remember (and annoying to hold). So I’ve come to really love and appreciate the casualness of an iPhone photo.
I’ve long stopped trying to get the perfect table shot (but will applaud you for persevering to get it). I’m also fortunate to have friends who are happy to indulge me in a 10 second pause to snap a video on the street (though I try to be as discreet as possible). Most importantly? I almost always have my phone on me. Accessibility is key!
I’ve also picked up film to practice a completely contrasting philosophy: more mindfulness in what I capture due to limited frames on a roll. But it took me practicing the easiest way for me to regularly document my life before I felt ready to try another medium.
This has held true for me with writing, too: almost every topic I’ve written about exists somewhere in my iPhone Notes app. (I hesitate to call it a journal, but what else would you call a collection of thoughts and phrases collected from my subconscious?) Most of my inspiration strikes when I’m on the go – be it a phrase or a scene – so I’ll take out my phone the first chance I get to quickly jot it down before I forget.
Okay, so I’m documenting my life! Who cares? Why share it online?
Of course everything documented isn’t meant to be shared, just like everything isn’t meant to be documented. (The best moments are beautifully elusive, destined to live wholly within your memories.) And if you do document your life online, people will just lament about how personal socials can feel too curated, that they’re just a highlight reel – dialed down to the most sharable parts of our lives. But is that only limited to our online personas? Are we not all constantly revising ourselves, presenting the best and most interesting sides to the world around us?
In my opinion, there’s nothing wrong with being the person who only posts online about Big Life Events or Exciting Trips!!!, and also nothing wrong being the person who blithely shares about their day-to-day. Hear me out: when we stop viewing others’ lives online through a lens of comparison and instead approach it through a lens of documentation, it changes the tone of everything. And so what’s worth documenting online is up you to decide. I love that you let me, a humble follower, also see the pretty flowers from your evening walk! – and I appreciate that you tagged the restaurant you ate at for dinner so I can save it for later. Just as much as I love your Big Life Event posts.
Whether you’re sharing with 5 or 5000 followers, I like to think of the social internet as your chance to show others how you see the world. Because how you choose to remember your life might be one of the truest reflections of yourself.
an opportunity for connection
Most friends I’ve talked to about this topic often wrestle with the tension of wanting to freely share online, but also not wanting to be perceived by anyone, but also secretly craving the validation that comes with sharing. The thrill (and anxiety) of posting about your life…
I’m not saying I don’t feel that tension. There are days I question anything I’ve ever shared online. (I’ll probably feel it the moment I hit “publish” on this newsletter.) But just like documenting, sharing takes practice, and over time I’ve found it easier to discern what and when I feel comfortable sharing (e.g. I typically don’t post anything in realtime). I’ve also long accepted everyone is going to make judgments about you, whether you’re sharing something with them online or offline.
That validation we crave isn’t necessarily a bad thing – so long as you’re not addicted to (or relying on) it. It’s not as straightforward as the number of likes we get on a post: we want to be loved, appreciated, seen by others. We want someone to tell us I care about you and your life. When I share little snippets of my life online, I find it oft prompts engagement from people I don’t see or talk to every day. And that doesn’t mean I lack topics to converse about in-person with friends because they see what I’ve been up to – we simply have some extra context when catching up.
Having been an avid Instagram user for a decade, I can honestly say it’s been one of the easiest ways to have a general pulse on my friends’ lives if they’re active online. I’m certainly not making the case for only relying on socials (duh, hang out with your friends), but if anything I’ve found myself encouraged to be more intentional with people in my life who are less active (or completely not) on socials. And why write off little human connections solely because they take place online? Let our online interactions augment our offline ones.
an abundant source of inspiration
And beyond getting to connect with people we know, we mostly get to benefit from content shared by people we don’t know. We easily consume so much more than we’ll ever contribute. Again, that’s not a bad thing if we’re consuming with the right perspective. When I’m following along with someone’s new apartment decor journey, it gets me excited about any changes I can make in my own. And how many life tips and tricks have I learned online that I never would’ve discovered on my own (duvet cover hack, anyone)?
If we return to the idea of balance: I think my goal is to be fully present offline and intentionally online. So I’m trying to tailor my algorithm to show me content that can be starting points of inspiration for my real life. A very recent example: I saw a video of a PJs + wreath making night, sent it to Echo, and in a few days we’re going to get the girlies together to host our own rendition.
Take fashion as another example. It’s impossible to develop personal style by scrolling through Pinterest outfits. You have to experiment with your own closet and learn through real life trial and error. So I’ve been saving style references on Instagram and Tiktok to help me narrow in on what exactly I like and edit down my closet. If I have a few spare hours to thrift or shop, I have clear ideas to guide me when rifling through racks of clothing. If I’m looking for a specific product, there’s plenty of past purchaser reviews and try-on videos I can find to inform my decision. Even if I’m not necessarily sharing my own opinions online, other peoples’ contributions have inspired (not just influenced) my own style journey – and that’s a gift!
I’m also well aware of the downsides of all of this as an avid traveler – the age of the influencer has overhyped (read: ruined) many destinations. It’s hard for us to trust internet virality; smart to doubt the sincerity of a post. So if the social internet has democratized our access to such knowledge, it’s still critical to not let it completely replace our desire for personal discovery.
Chalk it up to optimism or naïvety that I’m earnestly in favor of being a contributor and a consumer. I’ll admit it isn’t for everyone, but I think so long as you know when it’s time to log off…online is a really fun place to be. <3
Hope you all had a cozy long weekend! Can you believe we’re only 3 days away from December and I have to somehow write my last newsletter of the year…
On repeat Dua Lipa’s Houdini, Jungle’s KEXP performance, Bleachers’ Modern Girl…I suppose a modern 80s pop vibe? But I’m determined to get myself into a holiday mood by next week!
Last watched The Hunger Games: The Ballad of Songbirds & Snakes (Text me your ranked order of Tom Blyth scenes!!!)
Recent internet search history work-friendly cafes in Tokyo, aprés-ski outfit inspo and snowboard gear (it’s also been a decade since I was on a mountain…pray for me), iOS17 features, zine and publication inspo (semi-committed to making one in 2024), espresso machines (I’m embracing my inner tech bro)